Just The Way You Are

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

I find myself among the many who have become a fan of the recently popular Bruno Mars song Just The Way You Are. As I listen to this song for the billionth time, it becomes more than a catchy tune that gets stuck in my head and I actually absorb the lyrics. Then out of no where God starts speaking to me. When he sees my face there isn't a thing he would change because I'm amazing just the way he made me. And his whole world stops and stares for awhile when I smile. God created not just me but all of us and we are soo beautiful. He thinks we are amazing just the way he created us, yet each of us constantly bring ourselves done and compare ourselves to others. I will be the first to admit that I compare myself to other girls and think man if I could just have perfect skin like hers, or if I could only do my hair nice like hers, or if I had half the cute outfits as her, or geez I wish I could pull that off. As Bruno Mars put it when I compliment her she won't believe me and it's sad to think she don't see what i see. Our Creator tries to compliment us through different methods and wants us to see what he sees in us; however, we tend to be to caught up in what someone else has that we miss it. It's sad that soo many of God's people walk around feeling as if they are less than Beautiful. We are amazing just the way we are. We don't have to have perfectly styled hair, flawless skin, and the hippest outfit to be beautiful. Side note: That special someone that God has set aside for each of us should see us through God's eyes, meaning we are beautiful just the way we are to that other person and that person wouldn't change a thing. So next time Bruno Mars's song comes on just remember you are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING just the way you are!!

True Sacrifice and Sharing

Recently, I volunteered at Victory for their annual Thanksgiving Feast for the community. So Saturday a thousand or two (I think that’s what they said) kids and some of their families were bused to Victory where we served them a Thanksgiving feast. While standing at my table watching, waiting for my assistance to be needed somewhere while staying out of the way, a particular brother sister duo caught my attention.  Deserts were already out on the table for them to choose and the girls who set down before them had claimed all but one piece of the pumpkin pie in that section. Naturally, the little girl grabbed the piece of pie as to reserve it for herself from anyone else who would be joining the table. Because they came on the last bus to unload, they ended up with only a few minutes to eat their food. Unlike most of us, these kids as one can tell aren’t as blessed as most of us are. You can tell they aren’t privileged with a legitimate thanksgiving feast every year filled with endless piles of mashed potatoes, turkey, ham, vegetables, rolls, and plenty of desert for everyone including each person’s favorite let alone many other luxuries we are accustomed to, yet these kids as they ate a bit in their few minutes revealed a deeper more sincere act of sharing than perhaps I have ever seen in my life. As the girl took a quick two bites she past it off to her bro. Never once did he ask for a bite nor did he reach over and take a bite? She freely as if it was part of her norm she sacrificed part of hers so he too could enjoy. Without any complaint, without fussing, or even a hesitation. Her brother after taking a bite or two handed it back over leaving the rest for her. Frozen where I had been standing, I watched as they took their last few hurried bites, take their still half full plates to the trash, hurried off together to load back on their bus. I immediately repented. How could two little children with almost nothing be more willing to share than people who are abundantly blessed? Why is it that these two kids sacrificed for one another as a normal act when they have limited things, yet those of us who are privileged with things won’t even give up a bite? I couldn’t help but think of all the times I have denied someone a bite or a small share of my blessings. Yea I’m a poor college student, but those kids may never even have a chance to even think about getting the opportunity to attend college and they can manage to share what they have. I can’t help but feel as if I have failed in fulfilling a part of God’s work and purpose for his followers. But I’m not alone in this failure. If that bro sis duo can have that kind of compassion and sacrifice, all of us, being blessed more than them significantly, should show at least that much to those who need it.

Love Hate

It’s been asked why if I love basketball, why wouldn’t I want to play? Interesting concept loving the game but hating to play it.. For me it’s quite different than anyone else. Basketball, as a few know, use to be my entire life, my one and only love, my identity, and basically the essence of life itself. During the hardest times in my life it was my one and only release.

 Healthy or not that’s how it worked. When my mom was super sick and in the hospital all the time, I would wait until my dad left to go to the hospital after he was done working, throw shorts on and a hoodie (keep in mind this was like November/December),  go outside and let it out on our make shift court in the drive way. I could never talk about how hard different things were or my feelings, but the perfect thing about basketball was it couldn’t ask. I could let it all out .. every emotion I couldn’t express with words… the sadness, the distress, the anger, the confusion, anything and everything. And then we hit a time when Basketball as a team sport had one objective… Winning. I do understand that winning is the goal of a sport or at least to most people; however, playing with the sole purpose to win ruined everything for me. No longer was it a release but rather the creator of more stress, anxiety, and intensity. We played to win not for enjoyment. What happened to the days where you played your heart out and enjoyed it regardless of the score? Somehow it we always did better as we loosened up and enjoyed the game. Even the days of a spontaneous ridiculously funny awesome game of 21 where we played hard through sweat and blood but laughed so hard we cried faded out to only a distant memory. Thus, began my hate for the very thing I loved. Talk about an epic internal battle. It took me walking away from the thing I loved most to realize what matters most. Basketball or life it’s all the same, it’s what you are in it for that makes the game.

~Part of Life~

Throughout my life, with the exception of my one best friend I've had since kindergarten, I've had countless friends, mentors, etc. come in and out of my life and for the longest time it was something I seriously struggled with. I was finally got use to people at school and other people in my life being flaky. It got to the point where moment to moment with those people I didn't know if I was their friend or not (which is incredibly exhausting by the way) but I was use to it... but then all of a sudden the group of friends I thought would have my back no matter what, the ones who were suppose to be there, ya know the good friends dropped me like a hot potato. It's like the rug was pulled out from under me unexpectedly and my sense of balance was permanently messed up. During this situation I knew I had made the right choices and I knew God had a plan, but it was so unexpected that I didn't know what to do. For weeks when I prayed or worshipped I would weep nonstop because I knew God was doing a work but it was so hard for me. All I could think was how every time I got super close to someone, I was viciously torn away from them left with agony and scares to prove it. Then God spoke through the people around me and said its part of life. It's part of life. That is absolutely NOT what I wanted to hear! Why would I want to go through this over and over it absolutely stinks! And it's hard. God showed me that you can be real tight with him and still be in pain. Spiritually you can grow and develop and be totally in but you can still feel pain. Its when you trust that the hurt and agony you feel is a growing pain. When you persevere, you become much stronger than if you would have just thrown your hands up and quit.

Then one day God showed me something... he showed me how each of those people that came in my life, then right when we had become pretty close they made their exit, were the stepping stone to carry me over that situation or time in my life. I can look back and remember specific people that if it weren't for them I don't know what I would have done; yet, a I haven't even spoken to them in months maybe years. Some people in our lives will be there for a lifetime while others are present for just a season. Although for me this was a difficult thing to accept because it's painful to go through, I understand that it's for the best and it serves a greater purpose.


I find myself reflecting on this concept lately because I recently lost two very important close people in my life, my youth pastors. I'm not going to lie it's painful .. not in the sense that I'm hurt by their decision but the fact that our paths are being torn apart and we will no longer play apart in each others lives that is the hurt. The idea that when I go home and go to my home church they won't be there is painful to me, but as said best by Hillsong "For all my life in every season God is still God and I have a reason to sing." He has given me eyes to see that to make his plans come to pass, to grow, to have His best in situations I won't always understand and I will feel pain but what comes as a result is well worth every tear in the end. Face it pain is a part of life. People coming in and out of our lives is part of life. God is still awesome.. I still have soo many reasons to give Him praise.

Massive Mutated Monster Weeds

Saturday morning I along with a group of others were rearranging/cleaning up a garden area. So to paint you a picture I was working on this flower bed and some of us girls' job was to pull all the weeds. Basically this entire garden thing was extremely neglected. We started at the front where you can see the weeds and they completely ruin the appearance of this flowerbed. As I start pulling weeds I realized that the roots went far beyond the surface of the soil; therefore, the weeds couldn't be removed unless you did it by first getting to the deep roots. Once I had removed the weeds visible from first glance, I then realized that the bigger bushes and plants, some of which were clearly dying, were completely overgrown and intertwined by these massive mutated monster weeds. The only problem was the only way for me to get to these weeds where I could actually remove them was to get in the plants and sit on my knees in the dirt. As I'm pulling at these weeds I look around and the weeds are like a blanket covering the soil which then goes up into the plants sucking the life out of these plants. So I'm riping and tearing at these weeds as dirt flies everywhere along with weeds as i throw them back out of the flower bed. And then it hit me.... so many people only pull the weeds that are visible on the very surface appearance because the other weeds are to much work to get to just to do more work trying to get them out which also requires getting dirty, bruised, and scraped up; but, if the weeds that are hard to get to aren't removed the plants won't prosper resulting eventually in death.

While standing in the flower bed pulling these weeds realizing all of this, I then realized the point. So many times in our lives we take care of the issues on the surface, but its to much work to get the hard weeds. It will cause us too much pain that we don't want to go through; however, in order to prosper we must first get dirty, bruised, and scratched up cleaning up the weeds.

So many times we do this to other Christians as well. We won't them to appear to have all their weeds pulled but we aren't willing to feel the pain and go through all of the work in order to help clean up their weeds. We then wonder why they failed to prosper. If someone doesn't help upkeep the flower bed what will happen it just goes back to the weed infested dooming death it once knew.

Family

Before moving to college, I along with many others had countless anxieties about living in a dorm and having a roommate. I for one have never shared a room and to be completely honest I'm pretty spoiled. Not to mention that being around only girls for an extended period of time has never worked out well as many can imagine. Soo what did I do .. well the only thing I could, fast and pray .. a LOT!

For those who haven't heard me rave about my entire floor including the leadership and all the girls, let me just say they are the BEST girls you could ever meet. Now to my point, it is truly amazing how God works in situations. I have known the girls on my floor for about 2 months... these two months have been the best two months of my life! In this short period of time I have shared some of the hardest things I've gone through in life, my hearts desires, and soo much more.. things that I haven't even shared with people I've known most of my life. The dreams of the girls on our floor will blow your mind and the craziest part is that we have a part in lifting each other up and helping each other accomplish those dreams. While others are at odds with their roommates, I cherish mine as wondrous blessing. She lifts me up, prays for me, and provides me with encouragement.

Unlike some others, I don't come from a large close knit family and it isn't always daisies and roses when our family gathers. In fact, when I grow up and begin a family of my own I want create a totally different atmosphere for family events and stuff. Moriah to me is so much more than a slamin' floor that is a nonstop party... its a family. A family who loves. As in my girls greet me with a hug every time they see me, when I'm down they encourage me, there is just such a sense of community and love you can't even imagine. God blesses me soo much its overwhelming. Some say that family is who your blood related to I however, disagree. Family are those who are there for you no matter what, even if you just need to watch a movie late at night because its been one of those days. They are the ones who lift you up, pray for you, and help you grow spiritually not preach at you nor doom you to fail. Family is so much more than the logistics its a deep bond ... so deep it truly is a spiritual bond.

Frivolously Living

I find the general outlook and actions of my peers incredibly disturbing at times. I mean I am all for having a good time and enjoying life but without a purpose in one's life what is the point of existing at all. I for one am soo irritated with people who are complacent with where they are at. No desire to make an impact or even be productive or accomplish anything higher than their current circumstances ... What's the point? I just don't understand. Especially when they are Christians. As put by John Bevere, God designed us to be extraordinary. He made us in his image; therefore, we were created to make a difference and actually be extraordinary through his plan for our lives.

Perhaps what irritates me the most though is that most are soo wrapped up in meaningless things, we forget that there is a hurt and dying world that we are supposed to be helping. Think about how much time and emotion people spend on a person of the opposite sex when attempting to spark a relationship with them (when the "relationship" or whatever you prefer to call it will only last a few weeks maybe even a few months tops). Whether you want to admit it or not that is a lot of time and emotion.. now think about youth and young adults.. how much time and emotion do they put forth when you mention sex trafficking? Lets be honest the most on average a response would consist of is something to the effect of that's terrible and then move on.. Its incredibly sad to me that there are innocent children being kept in cages, starved to death, degraded, sold, and forced to commit sexual acts for a few dollars and the biggest concern on most young adults minds is that cute guy or girl that they are kinda of sorta "talking" to. Are you kidding me? How twisted and warped are our priorities when we are more upset when someone we are romantically interested suddenly starts dating someone else than about orphans are abducted and sold as sex slaves to be forever forgotten since there is no one to look for them? Why? How can we as humans be so self centered and frivolous? It is absolutely unbelievable yet at the same time its not. It has become the norm. Unfortunatly.

Boys Can't live with them ... can't live without them bc then our species would become extinct.

Boys. What a great subject... but where to begin. First of all I would like to say upfront that boys fit into 3 distinct categories for me. 1. I have a deep respect for them as a brother in Christ and they fit that role well. Meaning they have manners yes manners, open doors, and are as a whole genuinely good guys. 2. They can be a good guy however, their actions tend to disappoint me. Or 3. They complete disgust me with their actions, thoughts, words, and pretty much everything as a whole resulting in a strong dislike towards those guys. With that being said I get very irritated with boys easily and probably 95% of the male population I know don't even stand a fighting chance of being in that first category. Why? Because guys are absolutely ridiculous! Is it to much to ask to be able to wear a cute appropriate outfit without a guy looking at me solely as eye candy? I personally take a certain level of pride in my appearance. I like looking proper and put together so cute and beautiful are acceptable adjectives but sexy or hot with the connotations guys give them is more like an insult to me ... but besides that its somehow my fault if a guy lust? OK now I've personally heard guys express how hard it is when girls dress certain ways which i understand; however, a skirt to my knees with cute heels and nothing inappropriate showing does not qualify your lust as my fault. It's called self control get some please.. for the sake of my personally sanity please get some. And here's another thing if you're going to talk about girls bodies and who you would prefer and what not, DO NOT proceed to talk about it while I am sitting at the table next you to you or standing near you! Seriously, heellooo I can hear you! And even if every guy on the planet thinks that way I'm pretty sure Jesus is in agreement with me when I say you should have enough decency to refrain from such conversations in public as well as when females are present.


On to the next issue.... You've known me 2 weeks you can not possibly know enough to decide you like me and we should start some sort of relationship. Or you haven't spoken to me in two months or I've never had longer than like a 5 minute conversation with you ... if these apply you could not possibly be in love with me and we should not enter a relationship not even the "talking" stage... chances are we aren't even qualified as friends let alone more than that ... so save yourself and me both the time and energy and don't even say it.


And what's up with when a guy one day is like i totally like you we should hangout and all that jazz and then doesn't speak to you for like a month and expects you to be totally down with where he left off the first time.. Like it hasn't been a month or something lol yea ok because he really wants a positive Godly long lasting relationship..yea ok ... I know you couldn't possibly go very long without having some female interaction but I'm not going to go around making out with just anyone soo just remove me from that list and move on cause its not gonna happen.


Here's another thing when interested in dating me, when i say that there is no way it would ever work out between us you should probably consider that i may actually know what I am talking about. Not to mention that God has certain person for me and if you think you could be that person and I say your not maybe you should pray about it and bug God sense it's his plan and all NOT mine .. I'm just saying it's an idea. Not to mention that i'm pretty sure god didn't call you to sit on your bottom and play video games all the time instead of actually doing something productive and meaningful with your life soo yea I think its safe to say my calling is heading in the opposite direction.




Anyways I'm done ranting about this for now and I really need to do homework so ttyl til next time! Jesus loves you (even if you do fall under category 3 lol)!

Purpose

I've always been opinionated and have had unique veiws on pretty much everything in life; however, in the past few months God has really been speaking to me on a number of subjects. All of which are completely random yet somehow relate to one another. Thus far I haven't really shared a whole lot of what has been on my mind resulting in my mind being so cramped full of thoughts that I feel like it will explode at any moment. Hence, the creation of this blog. This is more of an outlet for myself to get out whats in my mind and make sense of it all and hopefully someone reading this will find it interesting! So enjoy!